How to tell mom her sister passed away

Hi Pat102

I'm so sorry to hear of your news. That's hard for you as your processing your grief at the same time wondering about someone else processing grief when they are PWD.

I'm sorry you are in this position and my sincere condolences to you at this time.

Even if they are early stages of AZ/PWD anyone shared with this type of news about loved one having cancer, being ill or dying, it won't make an impact so quite frankly my advice is, deal with your grief and don't mention it to those with PWD.

If you think they are early stages, by all means try. But don't be confused when they get act out in weird ways, and get anxious, go into sun-down mode but can't explain to you why.

My experience of and those of others in the family at this stage and sharing such info, is don't bother.

It's about your grief more than theirs as they aren't able to process and if you hope that you can share and some how they will realise this and help you, sadly, no that won't happen.

If you can, reach out to others and support agencies to help you if you are like me, and totally the only sibbling left and have no support.

I don't believe, and my experience is such that there is no point in telling someone stuff like loved ones they used to know who have died. My Mum has brothers and sons either dying or being treated for cancer.

I learnt early that whilst I can mention it, it has no real understanding for Mum because unless she sees them, they aren't part of her world. For awhile I did think that she would regress to her earlier childhood memories and remember them and even us, but I've discovered those who have said that about AS/PWD are wrong.

Mum doesn't know she's in mid to late AZ affecting her mobility, speech, ability to do anything but she;s not yet that stage where she doesn't get up but she is that stage where she will just stay in her room for hours and just stare at the walls, I thought maybe when she stares at the walls she's thinking of stuff and perhaps times passed as she has time - but I've learnt she just stares at stuff and her brain has no idea of why.

I wouldn't bother telling anyone with anything about loved ones dying - just let it go and when they ask about them maybe tell them the truth or a form of it - but don't be surprised if their next sentence is about - where are my handkerchiefs, where is my trolley dolley (my Mum's favourite phrase for everything and anything) and they don't realise you've just told them that their daughter/husband or son has just died.

It is horrible for you but you must deal with your own grief -- you're parent won't be able to understand or help you so so don't worry them about it.

Lots of love to you and take care of yourself.