Help, Dad's dementia is going to kill him and me

A horrible situation. All you can do is to keep banging on all the door you can find to try to get the help you so desperately need.

The GP is good place to start, but really, there is not much that can be done there unless your Dad's deterioration is due to something specific and treatable (such as a urinary tract infection, this can make dementia symptoms much worse; a simple urine test can be done, and is nearly always the first thing a GP will look for in these situations).

Does your Dad come under the care of a dementia consultant, or get visits from a nurse (sometimes called Memory Nurses). If so, get in touch with them.

Most importantly, though, is to contact Social Services; you need to call their emergency number...it should be in the phone book, or on your local authority's website (it may be called out-of-hours).

You must insist that:

You cannot cope. This is very important, and keep repeating it.
Your Dad is putting himself in danger (and he most certainly is, between potentially burning the house down, to electrocuting himself, to either not taking medications or poisoning himself with things he thinks are medicines which aren't).
You must make it very clear that you cannot be held responsible for your Dad's safety and welfare and that you will no longer do it. This may sound heartless ans selfish, but it's not - most carers reach a point at which they can't manage things any longer. Carers are not professional nurses etc. Make sure you point out all the things that put your Dad at risk - write them down before calling, if that helps.
Do keep in mind that family members are under no legal obligation to care for relatives - but Social Services are. If family members can;t or won;t, then they MUST.

At the very least, your Dad needs an extensive package of care put into place. But sad to say, from the sound of things (unless there's something like that infection I mentioned) it does sound as though some sort of residential care might be the next step.

Unfortunately, this can be difficult if the patient refuses help - and nine times out of ten, people with dementia don;t think they have enything wrong with them. My Dad - who believed he was on an island on Indonesia running a fruit and veg company and that mum wasn;t his wife but was married to me - thought there was nothing wrong with him.

Sadly, in the end, sectioning may beed to be considered. This is a last resort. The criteria is that the patient is putting their own health/welfare and/or that of others at risk. Normally this takes agreement by two independent doctors and an approved social worker. Someone under Section Two is admitted to hospital for assessment for up to two weeks.

My Dad was finally sectioned because mum and I were at absolute breaking point and couldn't cope - it all happened quite suddenly with visits from doctors, social workers and ambulances late at night.

It;s not a pleasant experience, but sometimes it;s the only way.

You may find your Dad is willing to listen to "authority figures" like a nurse in uniform. Dad made an awful fuss until the ambulance arrived, but the uniformed ambulance attendants worked like a charm.